S I X M O N T H S. months have gone by since our sweet Olivia Marie arrived into this world. To say that this time has gone by quickly is an understatement. The transition to parenthood has been an abrupt (and happily welcomed) interruption to the life Brandon and I have built together over our five years of dating and subsequent five and a half years of marriage. This small human is everything we have waited for and has completed our family in a way that I didn’t even know we needed. She has brought us joy. She has challenged us. She has helped us grow.
While I prepared for Olivia’s arrival, I had this fantasy idea of what motherhood would be like. Every moment would be an intimate bonding experience. She would smile and giggle all day long and then I would gently place her to sleep in her bassinet each night where she would peacefully sleep for hours at a time. I also had so many things that I thought I would get done in my almost seven months of maternity leave (only one left! How is that possible?!L). For example, I dreamed of starting back up this blog with a new focus on balancing motherhood and my career when I go back to work. BUTTTTT anyone who has a child (especially a newborn) knows that this season of life does not always go as we plan. Example: Olivia’s nap just only lasted thirty minutes, so I am currently writing this while sitting on my bed with her sitting in my lap between myself and my laptop because SHE WON’T LET ME PUT HER DOWN.
We generally have the happiest, most curious baby girl who clearly already has a passion for life. She loves to engage with people, listen to music, and giggle the day away. However, sleeping is not quite her forte. It is my assumption that she has such a passion for life that she is worried about missing out on too much while she sleeps. While things have gotten MUCH better in the sleep department, our sleeping journey started with thirty-minute stretches. 30 MINUTES PEOPLE. And no, I’m not just talking about naps. I’m talking about all dang night. This mama basically lost her mind between weeks 7-10. Do you know how the adult body functions on less than 30 minutes of sleep at a time? Answer is IT DOESN’T. OH MY GOD I felt delirious at times. While I had a pretty intimate relationship with coffee before Olivia, we have definitely developed an even deeper relationship since her birth. Good news is now when I get a four or five hour stretch of sleep, I feel ready to tackle just about anything.
Overall, this whole motherhood thing makes me feel like my heart is constantly being pulled in a thousand directions all at the same time. By the time 7pm rolls around, I’m wiped and can’t wait for girlfriend to go to bed so I can take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. #realtalk But, when Olivia actually stays asleep, I find myself staring at her on the monitor two hours later, missing her little voice and smile. You can ask Brandon–this is a daily occurrence, but I swear it sums up being a mom. I would do ANYTHING for my daughter, but I have also recognized and started to honor that I matter, too, and that in order to be a great mama, I have to take care of myself. I have started to read again, vocalize when I need me time (still working on this), and make plans for things I want to do that will make me feel good. My heart has also really been craving space for writing, reflection, and growth. Even writing this short little post feels like a major accomplishment and is healing for me. Sometimes you just have to find a way to BEGIN.
Writing a blog is something I have always wanted to thrive at. Not just to write randomly sometimes, but as a consistent way to share my story and to connect with other people. I have started and stopped multiple times by letting some roadblocks get in my way. When I was previously working on this blog, I ran into some major health problems that took over my life for a while. Then I got better. Then I got pregnant. Then I had Olivia. Then… [see top] Well alas, here I am again, ready to give it a go. I hope you will follow along on my journey to teach with passion, find balance, and live the best life possible.