Balance,  Classroom Projects

To Be Honest

It has been quite some time since I updated. I started this post over a month ago and am only now getting back to it. Over these past few months I have been reflecting a lot on purpose in my career and in myself as an individual. This school year has been a journey through which I have learned a lot about accepting limitations while still trying to improve. One practice that has helped me stay strong is my ability to accept vulnerability, but in other areas, I have struggled.

This past week, my dear friend Michelle launched her new blog Naturally Ever After to help women work through things that are holding them back from living the best lives they can. She is a badass boss lady who had a dream of becoming a full time freelance writer, started her transition to this only a year ago, and ladies and gents, she’s doing it! Michelle is the person who first encouraged me to start my blog. When I saw her back in March, we talked about the power of words to help us process what is going on in our lives.  I also told her all of the things that have kept me from writing. Read as: I’ve made excuses to not make time for something I want to do because I am scared of failing at it.  She told me, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but just write, and so here I am.

I have avoided writing about some touchy subjects because, well, they are hard, and I am not quite sure how I feel about them or how to deal with them.

What’s been on my mind?

  • Working through ups and downs in my physical health that I have been experiencing for the past six months
  • Understanding how to best support my mental health on days when my physical health limits me
  • Coping with the stress and inconsistency of Chicago Public Schools and the State of Illinois
  • Staying present, positive, and motivated in my career because I am frustrated by many problems that teachers face in today’s system
  • Being confident enough in my work and in myself as an individual to share my story

At my core, I am a perfectionist. I am fully aware that at times, this is my best trait, and at other times, it is my worst. Not being able to be perfect at teaching, while blogging, while living has been difficult for me to deal with, and so I have just been avoiding it.

This morning’s reflection from The Book of Awakening was on “Burying and Planting” and it could not have come at a more perfect moment for me. It read, “For every new way of being, there is a failed attempt mulching beneath the tongue. For every sprig that breaks surface, there is an old stick stirring underground. For every moment of joy sprouting, there is a new moment of struggle taking root. We live, embrace, and put to rest our dearest things, including how we see ourselves, so we can resurrect our lives anew.”

I started this blog to try to work through some of the difficulties that I know teachers have in this profession. What I didn’t realize is that I need to (and can!) use this blog to help myself, too. There is power in words and there is power in honesty.

So, there it all is and there’s more to come. Thanks, Michelle, for always reminding me that there are lessons in the journey and that I am ok exactly as I am.

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