The end of this year has been…rough to say the least. Right after my last post, in OCTOBER, I got sick. Really sick. Legs turning mottled and pain all over my body sick. I have been to many doctors and gone through many tests to finally know that I do not have cancer, I do not have an autoimmune disorder, and that no one is still quite sure what is wrong with me, but that I will supposedly begin to feel better soon.
Anyone who knows me knows that I like to be in control. If there is a problem, I make a plan, and I fix it. Uncertainty is not my strong suit. In fact, it is quite anxiety inducing for a Type A person such as myself. So, not only have I physically been struggling over the past couple of months, but emotionally as well. Some days, all I can think about is myself. Why do I have to be in pain? Why do I have no energy? When can I get back to my normal life?
While I am still not 100% and some days are certainly harder than others, overall, being sick has actually taught me a lot about my life and myself. Sometimes it takes being called out of our routine to be reminded of the things we deep down already know to be true. While I am MORE than happy to see this year come to an end, I am ending 2016 with a strong sense of gratitude for the opportunity to be vulnerable, the chance to continue to learn and grow as an individual, and the many people who I am lucky enough to have love and support me in my life.
Here is what I am most grateful for in 2016.
- I have the BEST husband in the world. The past couple of months I have not been able to do much around the house or to be a partner to go out and have fun with. I have missed our weekly trivia more times than I can count. I haven’t cooked or done laundry. I have stayed home on weekend nights because I just can’t do it. All the while, my husband has been so patient, caring, and loving with me. He has taken care of me physically and emotionally, making sure I had everything I need. I love him to the moon and back and feel so blessed to share my life with him.
- I have the most loving friends and family members. They have constantly checked on me and come to visit me. My parents have come to spend the weekend and take care of Brandon and myself. My friends have sent me flowers and get well soon messages. I am so grateful for their love and support, not only in the past couple of months, but always. I am so blessed to be constantly be held up by their love and kindness.
- I have the most supportive coworkers. My department members have had by back by making copies and turning in sub plans when I couldn’t make it to school. My administration has consistently checked in on me and has been supportive of me taking off the time I need. While our jobs are often stressful, my colleagues are who help me get back up and try again every time.
- The realization that I cannot do everything and that is ok. Actually, that is more than ok. This relates to work, family, home, friends, myself. I am human and the extent of my energy and what I can give only goes so far. There is so much power in letting go.
- Finally understanding that my wellness matters and that it must be a priority in my life. This, my friends, is my ultimate goal for 2017. Enough with the stress. Enough with the overworking. Enough with the anxiety. I am done with living, but not enjoying everyday. And while it took something strange and quite unpleasant to get me to finally come to this realization, I am grateful for the opportunity to be vulnerable and to learn from this experience. Here is to a new beginning and a much needed reset.